Occupation: Girl on tumblr

Pattinson on If Edward Were Gay (by TheEllenShow)

@Ceilidhann: Robert Pattinson wants to be a gay Edward Cullen raising a child with Bella and fighting aliens #magnificentbastard

ELLEN: “But you could kind of make up something after that, it doesn’t have to be a book…”

@cleolinda: @Ceilidhann I like how there’s this split-second moment of total freeze where he’s like NO THEY CANNOT DO MORE. SHUT UP BEFORE THEY HEAR YOU

The Zoë-Trope: INSTA-LOVE: I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

@cleolinda: It was just really helpful to hear that sometimes criticism won’t make sense if people are using one term wildly different ways.

@ZMarriott: Plus there’s that thing where they look at your green triangle and they’re all ‘Huh… it’s not a very good yellow square…’

@cleolinda: Yeahhhh. @moirarogersbree & @donnajherren & I were talking about that. “For paranormal romance, it’s not a very good cookbook.”

@cleolinda: I think it was more like “for paranormal erotica, it’s not a very good YA urban fantasy,” but the principle stands.

@moirarogersbree: Bwahaha, yes. “I guess it’s an okay romance, but FAILS as an UF!” Uhh, well, it’s not one? OKAY THEN!

@moirarogersbree: Those are the ones that irrationally frustrate me. I can ignore almost ANYTHING but that, man.

@ZMarriott: “It was a pretty amazing coming of age story but… eh, I was looking for more romance. 3 stars.”

@cleolinda: “It was a pretty good bio of Calvin Coolidge, but where were the werewolves?”

@moirarogersbree: “I learned a lot about the history of the Roman Empire, but I still can’t bake cupcakes. 1 star.”

@cleolinda: “It was a pretty good Photoshop manual, but the romance was predictable. Two stars.”

Oh No They Didn't! - 50 Shades of Grey Author Enraged by Copyright Violation

@cleolinda: EL James wants 50 Shades parties shut down. “You can’t just hijack something someone else owns”: tinyurl.com/br98spd

@cleolinda: I hope somewhere Stephenie Meyer’s lawyer(s) just lit up with joy, all “OH SO WE’RE DOING THIS NOW? YAAAAAY”

@DSylvan: Sounds like her brain forgot logic’s safe word.

Ken Lowery (@kenlowery) on Twitter (is making me cry with laughter)

@kenlowery: *batman voice* Do you want to talk to the hottest singles in your area for only $3.99 a minute

@kenlowery: (I guess “hottest singles in your area” is my new go-to for jokes framed as questions.)

‏@BenPaddon: “WHERE ARE THEY?? WHERE ARE THE HOT SINGLES?? WHERE ARE THEY?!!”

@kenlowery: *bane voice* first you will watch gotham tear itself apart, then i will allow you to talk to the hottest singles in your area

@tombness: CW: You don’t owe these people any more! You’ve given them everything! BM: Not everything. Not the hottest singles in your area.

It… it’s been a long day.

(via Wet koalas are not as cute as dry ones. : WTF)

@snacky: Does telling people to stop retweeting actually work?

SOMEONE: HAY GUYS, STOP RETWEETING A PICTURE OF A SHOPPED KOALA

ME: A SHOPPED KOALA, YOU SAY?

[Image description, above: a wet koala in an evergreen tree, staring directly into the camera. I think the soul-eating effect comes from some wet fur over one eye, creating a Ò_o effect, where “Ò_o” is “hungry evil.” Photoshopped Koala, not pictured, has a dog’s angry gaping maw pastede on yay. In my personal opinion, it is not a whole lot worse.]

@cleolinda: HOLY FUCK THE REGULAR WET KOALA IS TERRIFYING

@snacky: The shooped version makes you wanna hide and never come out!

@cleolinda: THAT KOALA HAS SEEN THINGS, MAN

@snacky: THOUSAND YARD STARE. “I LOVE THE SMELL OF EUCALYPTUS IN THE MORNING.”

@cleolinda: Seriously, the shopped version didn’t even bother me because I knew it wasn’t real. Unlike Wet Gizmo over there.

@snacky: That wet one is like if Smeagol was a koala, trying to get the Ring. :D

@cleolinda: Eucalyptusssss…

@mstorijo: Where is this shopped Koala?

@cleolinda: Real koala: http://www.woosk.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/wet.jpg

@cleolinda: Shopped koala: http://i.imgur.com/J5HTt.jpg  

@mstorijo: WHAT THE HELL EWW

@particle_p: TO THE PERSON WITH THE SUPER SOAKER: WE HAVE ONE TOO, AND WE LIVE IN *TREES*.

@cleolinda: THE DROP BEARS ARE ARMED, REPEAT: THE DROP BEARS ARE ARMED

We are also looking for a tambourine player

@cleolinda: ONE LAST TIME: Prometheus and The Avengers in Fifteen Minutes. http://m15m.livejournal.com/23444.html

@cleolinda: Have you heard my new band, Prometheus and the Avengers? Our first single is “Treat Yo’ Self (To Some Science) (Smash Remix).”

@cleolinda: Unfortunately, our lead singer is in the hospital with some liver problems and our drummer has a terrible hulkover. Auditions start at 3 pm.

[Continued from People Very Thoughtfully Stealing My Stuff and My Perplexity at What to Do About It]

@cleolinda: They also find out that you can’t actually “buy the rights” to POTO in 15 Minutes from your cousin for $12.47.

@alliancesjr: I know that was bad but I still find that the funniest of all the things

@cleolinda: It’s up there with cleoloindaisgay, yeah.

@KiranPeg: Cleolindaisgay is a thing? really? lol. You are joking right?

@cleolinda: No no, see, it’s cleoLOINdaisgay. And it is magical.

@cleolinda: She is my evil twin. >:{D

[My default lavender-orchid purple Marguerite Sauvage-artwork LJ icon; melayka’s “Cleoloinda, Destroyer of Lulz” version with evil goatee and sinister purple eyebrows.]


@cleolinda: That comment filled my soul with delight. I don’t even mean in a “doth protest too much” way. It really did.

@KiranPeg: The smiley face pushes into amazingness. Like she’s just saying as a friend, comedy lessons, might be the thing.

@KiranPeg: I stan your evil twin. Look at that goatee. Clearly the sexier one. More depth. A lot of inner pain. Brooding, etc.

@cleolinda: She’s played by Tom Hiddleston in the movie of my life.

@cleolinda: I am completely baffled that someone reposted my entire [Prometheus in Fifteen Minutes] writeup… with links to me and my tip jar.

@cleolinda: AND with the magical anti-theft white font that says “©2012 Cleolinda Jones. Please quote or link back, do not repost.”

@cleolinda: In case you’re wondering how I found these, LJ helpfully alerts you to linkbacks. SO WEIRD.

@alliancesjr: Please specify; they still claimed it as theirs?

@cleolinda: Nope. It even begins with “Originally posted by *cleolinda at *m15m.”

@cleolinda: There’s literally no other post on this person’s journal, so it’s not even a FunnyJunk situation. It’s utterly perplexing.

@cleolinda: Like… do I even bother asking them to take it down?

[I did. “I know this sounds kind of unreasonable, but…”]

@cleolinda: WHAT THE FUCK HERE’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ONE!

[And this one looks like a real person with real entries! But it’s exactly the same credit/pictures/whitefont situation.]

@shaeconnor: Yes. Takedown notice out of principle. Don’t let one site set a bad precedent. :)

@cleolinda: Yeah, normally that’s standard operating procedure for me. It’s also why @foresthouse is my officially designated lawyer.

[This actually used to happen a lot. With Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes, usually. Not sure why.] 

@cleolinda: Believe it or not, people actually have argued and insulted me over stealing my stuff. “Yeah, I did it and you can’t do anything about it.”

@cleolinda: And then they find out that I can and their account wherever is shut down and I don’t like doing that.

@cleolinda: They also find out that you can’t actually “buy the rights” to POTO in 15 Minutes from your cousin for $12.47.

Prometheus Action Figure Series 01 - Set of 2 - The Engineer

Can’t post the picture because I’m not sure if it’s a spoiler, but YOU GUYS. IT IS WILD. THE LITTLEST ENGINEER. WITH AND WITHOUT ELEPHANT SUIT.

(Also, my wanderings on Tumblr indicate that this is far from “the most popular character,” but there you are.)

@cleolinda: YOU GUYS. The Littlest Engineer. I can’t even handle this.

@Scarimonious: !!!! THE CHAIR SUIT ONE!

@cleolinda: Like, the Engineers freak me out but that is almost too objectively awesome not to get one anyway.

@Scarimonious: I totally hope there’s a [spoiler] that can go with the Littlest Engineer.

@Scarimonious: There should also be Evolve Your Own Life sets where you watch things grow in goo.

@cleolinda: Lava lamps like the ones in the urn

@Scarimonious: And if there’s a David figure, there should be a [spoiler].

@cleolinda: I look to Hot Toys for this feature. They really do have the license.

@cleolinda: You guys. I want entire Prometheus playsets, like the Star Wars one this kid I knew had. Prometheus Polly Pockets you can tote around.

@cleolinda: I want an electronic playset where every time you make the David figure touch something it goes DAVID DON’T TOUCH THAT


Seriously, though, I mean it about the Polly Pocket thing.

‘Snow White And The Huntsman’ Sequel -- Universal Making Progress

@cleolinda: 1) My eyes have been burning for days, really bad now, and I’m not sure why.

@cleolinda: 2) While cheerfully patched together from a hundred other movies, Snow White and the Hammer Guy is a pretty good time.

@cleolinda: 3) My mother wants to watch Thor IMMEDIATELY.

‏@sydk: “This actor, I like him. ANOTHER!”

@cleolinda: *SMASH*

@cleolinda: Wait, the Huntsman doesn’t even have a name? Well, he’s Thoromir now. You’re welcome.

@wtfbrain: Apparently he’s Eric?

@sparklylulz: some people have been saying it was Eric but idk why

@duckie7582: I’ve read online that his name was Eric, but I have no idea where that came from. Don’t recall hearing it said in the movie.

[Everyone else chimes in with “Eric,” no one else knows why either]

@cleolinda: EVERYBODY SHUSH WITH THIS “ERIC” BUSINESS, I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN

@actualteen: According to an interview in last Friday’s USA Today, his name is Eric. In the credits, he’s just “The Huntsman”.


SHHHHHHH