Mike Ryan: 'Dark Shadows': Will Johnny Depp's Newest Put You To Sleep? (And 24 Other Urgent Questions)

Q: On a boredom scale, what movie were you reminded on while watching Dark Shadows?

A: On a pure boredom scale, Dark Shadows is reminiscent of Ordinary People. To be fair to Ordinary People, my mother made me watch the movie when I was six years old. There is still a little part of me trapped forever in that theater watching Ordinary People, just like there will always be a part of me trapped forever watching Dark Shadows.

Q: If you’re going to be blurbed in this weekend’s commercials for Dark Shadows, what quote do you think will be used?

A: “Dark Shadows is reminiscent of the Academy Award-winning movie, Ordinary People!” Mike Ryan, The Huffington Post

Q: Does Barnabas seek revenge against Angelique? Does he use his vampire powers to try to destroy her?

A: Barnabas uses his business knowledge in an attempt to destroy her stake in the fishing industry. Also: I’m serious. This is what Dark Shadows is about. I’m reading that sentence over and over, thinking, Is that right? That can’t be right.

I was willing to love you, Dark Shadows. Why did it have to be this way?

  1. gritsinmisery said: Oh, dear. Oh dear, dear, dear. I had such hopes. *sighs*
  2. dead-girl reblogged this from cleolinda
  3. queenofattolia reblogged this from ladyspirits
  4. ladyspirits reblogged this from cleolinda
  5. tinyhipsterboy reblogged this from cleolinda and added:
    Ugh, the film looked awful. It hardly had anything in common with the show, and hell I’d rather watch the soap opera...
  6. morethanonepage reblogged this from cleolinda and added:
    Q: If you were forced at gunpoint to say something nice about Dark Shadows, what would you say? I’d say “Holy shit, man....
  7. morganwerewolf reblogged this from cleolinda
  8. fiercebunny reblogged this from cleolinda and added:
    I am so disappointed that this movie will apparently blow.
  9. jessimuhka reblogged this from cleolinda
  10. syd-k said: My mother is going to see it this weekend. I’m trying to convince her to just stay home and watch The Addams Family instead but she won’t listen to reason.
  11. blood-stainedblackrabbit reblogged this from cleolinda
  12. clickthefrog reblogged this from cleolinda
  13. cleolinda posted this