Reader Question #4: My friend is dating someone terrible, or, Secrets of The Darth Vader Boyfriend. « CaptainAwkward.com

What a therapist does is ask you leading questions and radiate non-judgement until you’ve talked your way through all your own defenses and circular bullshit and tried to turn things into entertaining anecdotes and try to convince yourself that “it’s not that bad” until you run out of excuses and you have to say the truth: What you want. What you need. What you feel. What you’re afraid of.

I could not do that job. I can write the scene from the movie right now where me-as-therapist would Hulk out: “OH GOD BREAK UP BREAK UP NOW. JUST BREAK UP. DON’T COME BACK UNTIL YOU’VE BROKEN UP. PUT BREAKING UP ON YOUR TO-DO LIST AND THEN CHECK THAT OFF WHEN YOU’VE BROKEN UP. PLEASE TO BE BREAKING UP? NEED TO BREAK UP? ASK ME HOW! I WILL PAY YOU CA$H MONEY TO BREAK UP. PLEASE VISIT THE DEPARTMENT OF BREAKING UP ON YOUR WAY OUT AND FILL OUT THIS COMMENT CARD ABOUT BREAKING UP. BREAKING UP CALLED AND LEFT YOU A MESSAGE, HE SAID ‘BREAK UP.””

  1. greynasdire reblogged this from cleolinda
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  7. chivalrouspervert reblogged this from redheadedgnomegirl and added:
    This is simultaneously hilarious and extremely helpful for anyone who has/has a friend with a Darth Vader.
  8. redheadedgnomegirl reblogged this from endquestionmark and added:
    Everyone should read this. I think pretty much everyone has had a “Darth Vader” in their lives or a friend’s life at...
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    I would be this therapist. And yes I know it’s not true, it doesn’t work that way, I have experienced mental illness and...
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